Celebrity Telephone
Lindsey Cook, Brian Davis,
Jami Howard, Morgan Overton, LeAnn Smith

Jimmy: The Security Guard
by Brian Davis

“Great, it looks like there’s not a single spot left in this entire parking lot!”  Jimmy was used to this sight but, like his attitude toward the lottery, he always hoped for a spot in the last row.  As he pulled into the last row, he turned to see a giant red Suburban pulling out of the first row and he darted towards the open space.  Already late for work again, Jimmy hustled his way into the crowded mall. 

As he walked past store clerks already on their morning smoke breaks, he noticed a gigantic bus with its windows tinted and a few guys in black coats hanging around outside of it.  Jimmy wondered what they were doing back here. 

Walking by them, he noticed they were built quite large and stopped to ask what they were doing.  “We’re security for the Rolling Stones, here to keep the group safe from potential mobs.  They must not tell you much about things around here!” 

The guys all laughed and Jimmy just passed on by and headed for the office to clock in.  Certainly they were joking, and Jimmy felt insulted.

“How dumb do they think I am?” Jimmy asked Rick, the Manager of Security at the mall.  “There’s no way the Rolling Stones would even think of playing here. This is a mall, and everyone knows they sell out arenas.  Valley Pine Mall is certainly no Madison Square Garden!” 

“Hey, Jimmy, you’re right,” said Rick sarcastically, “but you are also an hour late to work again, so I have no sorrow for you right now.  Go do your rounds and then I’ll have to talk to you about some things I’m going to need you to take care of today.  We do have a special guest so security, however secure that may be, is going to be needed.” Jimmy felt embarrassed, and turned quickly, closed the door and went out for his rounds.

As Jimmy strolled through the mall he couldn’t help but notice how demeaning his job often felt.  It appeared he got little respect from just about everyone in this mall.  Punk kids often would call him rental cop, and cute girls he would acknowledge simply laughed at him as he walked by.  There was one person Jimmy could think to talk to throughout the day though.  Her name was Heather.  Although Heather was a bit younger than Jimmy, and out of his league, he liked her a lot. 

Jimmy reached the end of the mall and thought to try his luck at the crane game.  He inserted two quarters into the machine and it ate them.  With a long sigh, he dug back into his pocket and reached for two more quarters. 

“All right, the pink pig at the top of the pile is mine!” yelled Jimmy as the machine finally accepted his quarters and started to life.  Using the crane to drag from behind the ear, Jimmy pulled the pig into hole and thought of exactly what to do with the pig.  He reached into the hole and pulled it out and quickly turned about to head towards American Eagle.

Heather stood at the side reaching at the top row of the jeans section to pull down a specific size for an impatient waiting customer.  Jimmy walked straight to the store to talk to her about who was going to be in the mall and to give her the pig.

“Hey there, Heather,” Jimmy said coolly.

“Hi, Jimmy, how are things today?” Heather replied, walking toward the front again to straighten shirts.

“Thanks, Jimmy, you shouldn’t have.”

Jimmy followed her around like usual, hawk-like.  “So have you heard about anyone performing in the mall today?  I saw a large bus outside; I think something’s going on later today.”

“Jimmy, you’ve worked here for four years making sure this mall stays secure, and they won’t clue you into something important like this ahead of time.  Do they not trust you with any information or do they just not bother to inform you?”

“I’m sure it’s a combination of both,” he replied.  “To tell you the truth, I think it’s the Rolling Stones, I’m sure I could arrange for you to meet them later if you want.  Just don’t tell anyone else.”  Jimmy bragged about the luxuries of being security but knew they were all a lie.  Why would the Rolling Stones ever come to this mall?

“Jimmy, I think you’re barking up the wrong tree here.  You should try my dad first, but thanks for the offer.  I need to get back to work.”

*     *     *

Heather: Clothing Store Worker
by Jami Howard

“Hey!  I’m glad you were able to make it in today.  We have a great deal on skirts for the summer.  Buy one and get the other one for half off.”  Heather’s boss makes his workers memorize these sales, and thank God this one wasn’t too complicated.

Heather really is happy to see Cordelia in the store today.  She is a usual shopper at American Eagle,  a sophomore in high school, and, as far as Heather can tell, Cordelia really looks up to her.  Heather doesn’t mean to sound stuck up by thinking this; she just understands that Cordelia values her opinions on what she should and shouldn’t buy.

“Okay, that sounds good.  Which ones should I try?” Cordelia says.

Heather leads her in the right direction and then heads back to the front of the store to greet the other customers.  She pokes her head out into the mall and sees Jimmy, the mall security guard.  Oh, great.  She isn’t sure if he sees her or not, but if he does he will be down here any second.  He loves to flirt with Heather, even though she’s too young for him.  And then Jimmy walks up to the store. 

He says hello in his usual flirty tone and then gives Heather a dull pink pig that he says he got just for her.  Heather assumes he has just won it at the stupid claw grabbing machine, but she tells him thank you anyway.  She is about to turn around, but as soon as she does he puts his hand on her arm.  She turns around quickly and gives him a disgusted look, but he doesn’t seem to notice. 

Jimmy tells Heather that he has top secret information about a group that is performing here tonight.  He claims it is the Rolling Stones.  Heather has heard of them, but she can’t name one of their songs.  Then Jimmy tells her that he can probably get her a spot right in front of the stage, and that gets Heather excited.  She puts on a big smile and tells him that it’s a good thing she has a friend on the inside of everything.  She nudges him with her elbow and he almost blushes, but then he gives her a wink and heads back into the mall.

A customer walks up to the cash register, so Heather decides she had better get back to her job.  While she was talking to Jimmy she didn’t notice the crowd that had appeared in the store.  She checks out a few more customers and then looks around for Cordelia.  She wants to see how her shopping is coming along so that she can help her with any tough decisions she might have to make.  Cordelia is over by the tank tops, so Heather heads in that direction.

“So, how’s it coming?”

“Well, actually, I can’t decide if this dark blue top looks better with the light denim skirt or if I should go with the lime green top.  What do you think?”

“Hmm, let me see here.”  Heather thinks about it for a second then responds.  “Go with the green.  I think it will bring out your eyes, plus it seems more colorful.”

“Yeah, thanks!  You’re right; I definitely like the green better.” 

Heather loves the feeling she gets from being able to help someone out in situations like this.  Not only does she work at a clothing store, but she’s getting a major in Fashion and Textiles so that someday she can design and sell clothes professionally.  That’s her dream anyway.

Cordelia tells Heather that she has found everything she needs for today so Heather goes back over to the cash register with Cordelia right behind her.  She rings each item up and Cordelia’s total comes to well over two hundred dollars.  “That’s my kind of shopper,” Heather thinks to herself.  Before she hands Cordelia the receipt, Heather remembers the news that Jimmy had told her earlier.  She has to let Cordelia know about it.

“Okay, so I’m not sure if I’m supposed to say anything or not, but guess what!”  Heather pauses as she drew a blank trying to remember the name of the band.  “Oh yeah, now I remember.  Coldplay is going to be here at the mall performing live.  And I’ve got some connections in security, so I could probably meet them and everything.  Isn’t that great?”

“Oh my God, yes!  Wow, I love them.  That would be so awesome! Lucky!”

“You know, I could probably find a way so that you could come with me.” At that, Cordelia shrieks and thanks Heather for everything.  She hands Cordelia the receipt and her shopping bag and then she says she will call her later.  Cordelia leaves and Heather can’t help but think how special Cordelia must feel to have someone like Heather looking out for her.

*     *     *

Cordelia: Shopper
by Morgan Overton

“So, then I said, get your feet off my brand new imported $300 Italian shoes. I swear, some people just don’t understand what it’s like to have amazing taste in fashion like me. You don’t understand what I have to deal with daily,” I say over the phone to my best girlfriend.  “Chris asked me out yesterday at lunch, so I have to get a new outfit; that will make him realize just how privileged he is. I’ve got to get going though.  I’m going into American Eagle. Call me laters.”

I end my phone conversation and walk into the store. I see the sales girl talking to some security guard at the desk, so I don’t want to ask for help quite yet. Besides, I have plenty of time to carefully look through everything to purchase exactly what I want. Unfortunately, I can’t make a quick stop in Europe to get some real clothes, but I guess casual will be okay.

The girl up front talking to a security guard looks very excited. My cell phone starts ringing again.

“Hello?” I answer. There’s a long pause before I’m finally greeted.

“Hey, you! Yeah, how are you? You will never believe who asked me out for dinner tonight! Chris did! I’m shopping right now at the mall.” My friend manages to mumble a few things. Something about an announcement in the paper that someone is performing at the mall. Unfortunately, a pair of large gold hoop earrings distracted me and I missed what she had to say. It probably wasn’t that important anyway.

The security guard finally leaves with an accomplished smile on his face. I see Heather giggling a little and watch as she approaches me. We look through millions of items which I need to make it through my date and weekend.

At the cash register, my total comes to $250 and Heather just blurts out, “Guess who’s coming to perform tonight at the mall, and guess who can get you close enough to meet them? The answers are as follows, Coldplay, and me!” She starts to giggle again.

After that, there is no choice. I have to call everyone I have ever met and tell them about this. It’s the biggest thing that has ever happened in this town! I’ve always been such a fan of Coldplay. It’s my favorite Fergie song.  Well, I think it’s a Fergie song, anyway.

My stomach starts to growl, and that’s when I realize I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday, and with this new diet I am probably really low on the energy I will need for tonight. So, I decide to call everyone later, after I eat at Subway in the food court. Katie is probably working today, so I can tell her the news.

She gives me her usual greeting, and I blurt out, just as Heather did, “Oh my God, Oh my God! Guess what? You’ll never believe this! Get this, Fergie is playing later tonight at the mall.” She doesn’t seem very excited.  She just kind of nods her head and makes my sandwich. My phone begins to vibrate, and I realize I need an outfit for the concert! I take off back to American Eagle and totally forget my sub. Who cares, though, because I should probably lose some weight before tonight anyway. Chris might now want to spend the date at the concert, because I know he’s not into that stuff. Besides, Fergie is someone you see with your friends. I’d better call him and cancel the date. Oh, well! Oh no, I need shoes, too!

*     *     *

Katie: Subway Station
by Lindsey Cook

Katie counted her blessings as the last of the noon rush paid for their order and went back into the hustle and bustle of the mall.  She sighed.  It was a Friday afternoon.  It was hot, and she was only one of two people working today.  Just she and the self-absorbed manager, Geoffrey.  What in the heck was he thinking?  He must be insane or something.  He knew that it was almost impossible for one person to handle the noon rush alone.  Somehow she had handled it.  She still didn’t know how.  The last hour had been a complete blur.

She started to clean up the lettuce shreds, tomatoes, cucumbers, and olive slices from the counter.  This was why she hated working alone.  She was left to do all the work, but it was all for that one goal of saving money for college.  It had better be worth it after all the hell her boss had put her through.  She sighed as she saw Cordelia coming up to her with a giddy smile on her face and swinging shopping bags.  Cordelia had gone to her high school, and she was now going to be a junior next year.  Katie thanked God she didn’t have to deal with Cordelia any longer.  Cordelia was just too hyper for her to handle.  And now Cordelia was coming to Subway.  She was smiling, skipping, and she had just spent a ton of money on her daddy’s credit card.  This was going to be a nightmare.  Katie forced a smile onto her face.

“Hello, how can I help you today?”

Cordelia then started to rattle off her order to Katie.  Katie nodded and began to prepare her sub.  Cordelia started to talk again about something unrelated to her sub as Katie moved over to the veggie section of the line.  Katie stared at her as she started babbling about some band coming to the mall.  Katie sighed beneath her breath, knowing this was going to take forever.  Her boss wouldn’t be happy.  He insisted that even if someone was alone on a shift they had to keep up their time on orders.  She focused her attention again on what Katie was saying. 

“Do you know how amazing that is?” Cordelia then continued her tirade, “Come on, guess!”

Katie sighed, “I honestly have no idea.”

Cordelia said it was Fergie.  She then stopped waiting for Katie to respond.

“What would you like on your sandwich?”

Cordelia gave her a strange look.  “Don’t you think this is huge?” 

“Yes, of course I think it’s huge.  It would be great if she came to the mall, however unlikely it is.  Where did you get this information any way?” Cordelia then rattled off the name of someone Katie didn’t know.  She then started talking about shopping again and walked off.

“What about your sub??”  Katie cried out.  Cordelia just kept walking.

Katie just stood there, shocked.  That girl’s brain was just all over the place.  What in the world was she thinking?  Did she honestly think that Fergie was coming to this mall?  It was impossible.  She was too big of a star. 

She sighed and started thinking about what Cordelia had said. Maybe there was a band coming.  She has heard some rumors and had seen the weird security guard, Jimmy, running around the place earlier.  She started thinking about who would come to the mall.  Then it came to her.  Gwen Stefani!  Katie had just checked her website a few days ago, and Gwen Stefani was coming to the state this week, so maybe she was even coming to the mall.  Now Katie was getting excited.  It was then that an elderly couple gained her attention.

“Oh, hello, how can I help you both today?” she said, with a genuine smile on her face this time.  The man spoke up first.

“I’ll have tuna on wheat with provolone cheese, dear.”  He stopped a moment as if to think.  He smiled slyly and then continued, “Why don’t you add some lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, and a small squirt of mayo.”  He stopped again with a smile on his face and turned to his wife, “And for you, Penny.” 

The older woman gave a stern look at him and then gave Katie her order.  “Cold Cut Trio with only mayo….and um….and a chocolate chip cookie.”

“Great! So, how are you two doing today?” she asked happily.

“Oh, were doing fairly well.  Just spending a day at the mall,” the husband said.  Katie started making the subs, and realized that they were both quiet now.  She hated silence.

“So, I heard today that there’s a band coming to the mall tonight.  That’s pretty exciting, don’t you think?”  They just nodded, so she continued, “I think ’'ts Gwen Stefani, you know, the pop music star.” 

They just stared at her.  She finished the subs and then took their money as they walked off.  Obviously they had no idea who Gwen Stefani was.  Katie started to hum “Hey Baby” to herself as she cleaned up the counter again, waiting for the next customer.

*     *     *

Ned and Penny: Elderly Couple
by LeAnn Smith

It was just about 1:00 pm. A good couple of hours had passed since they had started walking the mall. Ned’s stomach was grumbling when he decided it was a good time for lunch. “So what will it be today, Penny? There is the Chinese place with good egg rolls, Arby’s with the delicious French Dip sandwich, or Subway with the healthy sandwiches.”

“I say Subway; I think we should eat decent if we are walking to keep fit. If we ate unhealthy food, it would defeat the purpose of spending hours walking. We can always grab a scoop of ice cream on the way home from Dairy Queen if we feel the need to increase our calorie intake.”

She smiled at Ned and patted his stomach.

Ned smiled and said, “Stop that! You should pat your own stomach once in a while, then get back to me about my calorie intake.”

After passing a few storefronts and the restrooms, Ned and Penny made it to Subway. The young woman who would be taking their order wore a name tag that read Katie; she couldn’t have been out of high school yet by the looks of her.

“Oh, hello. How can I help you both today?” she asked politely. Ned was relieved that the young lady had a decent appearance, unlike those miscreants all over the mall. How could their parents allow them to go into public with hot pink or green hair and metal sticking out of every orifice? Ned ordered since he knew Penny wouldn’t be ready to order yet.

“I’ll have tuna on wheat with provolone cheese, dear. Why don’t you add some lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, and a small squirt of mayo.” Ned winked at Penny; he knew she hated black olives.  This was one mechanism that Ned used to keep Penny from snatching bites of his sandwich, which was a common event now that they were on a diet.

“And for you?” Katie asked Penny, with a smile.

“I will have a Cold Cut Trio with mayo and a chocolate chip cookie.” Ned wanted to comment on her “need” for a cookie but decided against it. Adding up the total at the register, Katie started polite conversation, “I heard from an inside source that Gwen Stefani will be giving a show here at the mall. It must be a VIP sorta thing since no one knows about it. Your change is $1. 23. Make sure you come back.”

“Gwen who? Is she that lady from The View who left and went to The Today Show?” Penny asked with a confused look on her face.

“No, no,” said Ned, “that’s Meredith Vieira. Gwen Stephanie is that kid from Full House.” Feeling sure that he knew who Gwen Stephanie was, he dismissed Penny’s persistant questions. It wasn’t worth fighting Penny when she was hungry. Ned just hoped that she wouldn’t poop out on him and want to go home after lunch. He wanted to get some quality laps in before the celebrity arrived. 

“We probably shouldn’t stay here too late if some hot shot is going to be here. I can’t deal with a bunch of teenagers running around and screaming. It is probably some band our grandchildren would love.” Ned finished his sandwich and sipped some water. Penny had finished her sandwich and cookie already, which didn’t surprise Ned.

“Why don’t we do some walking around the third floor to burn these calories off and make a quick stop by Bath and Body Works? I would like to get some good smelling soap for Lily’s 65th birthday. We should be able to get out of the mall by 5:00.”

Ned was agreeable as usual. “Whatever you want, old lady. I am just here for the exercise and entertainment. If I am lucky I’ll see a shoplifter get caught like last time.” Penny chuckled.

They strolled around the third floor for a good hour before Penny jumped in to Bath and Body Works for her purchase. Luckily, Ned was able to keep his snackaholic wife from the pretzel shop. It was quarter after five when the couple headed for the front doors. When they reached the doors, two large security men were holding the door open. “Why, thank you, gentlemen.” Penny said. Ned could’ve sworn that she was flirting.

“So, are you two here for the Gwen Paltrow concert?” asked Ned, trying to remember who the Subway girl had said would be performing.

“Sorry, sir, but Gwyn . . .eth Paltrow is an actress not a singer. And no, we are not here for her. If you would please continue through the door, we are bringing in equipment for the entertainer.” The security guard was polite but very curt. Ned didn’t care to get on his bad side, so he nudged Penny ahead.

“I am sorry to bother you again, sir, but could you tell us who the entertainer is for this evening. We won’t bother you for autographs or anything; we are on our way out.” It was obvious that Penny just had to know who it was, Ned wasn’t as interested.

The buff security guard replied slightly annoyed, “Valley Pine Mall is hosting Aaron Carter tonight. He’s making a comeback. He’s the younger brother of Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. It’ll be a great show.”

“Is he any relation to ex-President Jimmy Carter?” asked Ned excitedly.